The lyrics of Jack Off Jill have been brought up many times in the discussion about these allegations. Sure, the themes of the songs are something that comes to mind, it's  no wonder really that someone brings up their songs in a discussion about rape allegations.

However, when looking into it, you must understand two things:


1. Jack Off Jill was a Riot Grrrl band.  Riot Grrrl was a feminist underground punk movement, and these bands would discuss feminist issues in their songs; rape, misogyny, sexism, domestic violence.

2. Jack Off Jill was formed in 1992, it was already a Riot Grrrl band with these lyrical themes before Jessicka and Jeordie started dating in 1993 (according to Jessicka, Jeordie's version about when and how long this relationship was is still unheard)

Jack Off Jill played it's first show in early 1993, opening for Marilyn Manson. At this time, Jeordie was still a member of Amboog-A-Lard. The things Jessicka describes him doing, can be placed with evidence to have allegedly happened much later. (Alleged rape during the NIN tour 1994 after being "unfaithful" on tour with Courtney would place it somewhere in fall 1994 and the "Twiggy dress" came along around 1995.)

Jack Off Jill songs that existed already in 1993 are most likely not about the relationship with Jeordie, since alleged rape and identity theft could not have happened yet at the time. 

According to,  These songs were already in the setlist in early 1993:


-Bruises are Back in Style

-Smell you from Here


-White Lies


-My Cat

-Boy Grinder

There's also video footage available on youtube of these songs being played live in 1993.  

Let's look at My Cat:

"Song Index: The Story Behind The Song My Cat By Jack Off Jill" Hit Parader, 1998

My Cat, the first single may seem like an ode to the cherished house pet, but with closer inspection lead vocalist and front woman Jessicka tells Hit Parader: "My Cat is about a movie called Ruben and Ed… Crispen Glover is Ruben Farr and is basically a shut in who is all alone in the world except that he has a dead cat that carries in a cooler across the desert. During a dream sequence he states, "My cat can eat a whole watermelon."

From the beginning, Jack Off Jill which also consists of bassist Robin (Agent) Moulder, guitarist HoHo Spade and drummer Laura Simpson believe in writing only honest songs - straight from the heart songs rather than what the record company thinks they should be writing. "We can't help but relate to the character Ruben in the movie," Jessicka sums up. "The character represents everything I saw in myself and my significant other at the time. At that point in my life, he was this hero in platforms with offbeat humor and an awareness of his own insanity…. somebody I could marry!"

It's not exactly stated when it was that Jeordie and Jessicka started dating, but it was in 1993. But Jeordie wasn't exactly known for wearing platforms yet at the time, he was still more a thrash metal guy. But in the dream sequence she's talking about, the movie character is wearing huge platform boots. Jeordie did wear platform boots later, so she may associate them with him in her memory. But it could mean someone else too, generally I have seen those who mention this understand that this is about him.

My Cat was released also in 1994 as a 7" vinyl. 

In a Jack Off Jill Newsletter from 1997

Q:  "Was there ever a naked Twiggy 7 inch disc?" (from -no longer a valid Email address)

Jessicka:  "No!  It's really a long joke between him and I.  There's not - there could have been! - but there's not.  It's actually a rumor that got started before he had even joined Marilyn Manson, and I don't know how it even got to anyone else!"

So... It could be that My Cat is about Jeordie and it also could be that they were joking about putting a naked picture of him on the 7" vinyl. 

And well, there is a line like "he can break my arm in seven places" in the song, but uh, Jeordie is not a cat, he was not on TV as said in the song and this is a reference to a movie at the same time, it's would be kind of a reach to make this into a song about an abusive relationship. And if it was one, they'd probably not have joked about printing him onto the 7"

It's also very interesting that the song Boy Grinder already existed at this time, since the following lyrics have been brought up in discussions as proof that since Jessicka wrote a song like this, her claims must be true;

"We all...
Like it more...
When we...
Get raped.."

"Strolls on south
Steal my old clothes

And well, considering that Jessicka did accuse Jeordie of rape and stealing her look, it's no wonder that people have brought this up, but this song cannot be about him, because it existed before it allegedly happened. 

These songs were also on a cassette called Children 5 and Up, released 1993. Again, before fall 1994. On this cassette, there's also a song called Spit And Rape with the following lyrics:

I know who you are
You left a big black scar
I see there's no escape
You'll know when
Fucker you're going down, girl you're going down, fucker you're going down,
You and spit and rape
Fucker you're going down, girl you're going down, fucker you're going down,
You and spit and rape

The alleged rape during a NIN tour had not happened yet at the time this song was written, so this is not about Jeordie.


Unknown JOJ facts about Jessicka:
Jessicka originally wanted to call JOJ -Jack In Jill, somnolent (meaning of a kind likely to induce sleep), the pills, or drowsy. In the early days of JOJ Jessicka would stay up for days and days on end in order to hallucinate naturally. Some of the song titles such as Lollirot, Boygrinder, & Cherry Scented from the demos came from sleep deprived delusions. Her coconspirator Manson suffered the same heat insomnia. They made a pact that whoever could stay up the longest got to be a huge rock star. Needless to say he stayed up 45 minutes longer then she did. Perhaps in her sleep deprived state he convinced her on settling on the name Jack Off Jill.

But where do these abuse themes come from, then? 

Well, before the allegations towards Jeordie, Jessicka maintained in interviews that it was in fact, her childhood, formative years, that inspired her lyrics. Here are some quotes that could, in her own words, explain, where these lyrical themes came from:

This is taken from the 5th issue of the official Jack Off Jill Newsletter from the late 90s:

--Your songs are so full of pain and anger, are they about specific people/events?

  "Oh definitely!  You can only write about what you know, and what you feel. I mean, most people who are actually successful in writing music and/or poetry will tell you that the basic rule is 'write what you know!'.  It is hard enough to step into someone else's shoes by being an actor, but in
writing it is almost impossible!"

--What was it like growing up in your house?

  "Turbulent, to say the least.  There are a lot of reflections, issues, and problems that I revisit in JOJ because - and I think I can speak for Robin [Moulder, JOJ bassist and co songwriter] here too -there are a lot of times where those experiences come into play with our band because our formative years were not as....easy...for us as they were for most people.  Not to say that other people don't have problems, that is just kind of the way we handle it in the band - like with the references to nursery rhymes in our music.

--Was there something specific that happened in your childhood that really helped to mold you into the person you are today?

  "Being my father's daughter.  Maybe some people would see certain things that happened as negative, but I see them as positive - they just gave me strength." FAQ archived, 2011:

I'm not a fan of the person it belongs to so I became my own person without it. I'm officially an Addams now. FAQ archived, 2004:

Why do you cut your self that much? what is the reasons?
J: The question might be why did I cut myself so much? I initially started cutting myself at an early age out of frustration. Cutting tends to relieve anger. Many self-injurers like myself have enormous amounts of rage within and are sometimes afraid to express it outwardly, we injure ourselves as a way of venting these feelings without hurting others. When intense feelings built, I became overwhelmed and unable to deal with it. By causing pain, I could reduce the level of emotional stress to a bearable one. As a teenager it was an escape from the numbness many of those who self-injure say they do it in order to feel something, to know that they're still alive. You obtain a certain feeling of euphoria. Continuing abusive patterns later in life became more force of habit an adrenal rush on stage rather then a cry for help

Focus Entertainment Magazine

The songs on Sexless Demons and Scars are unsettling. Jessicka's voice bounces between sweet innocence and manic screams, reflecting the conflict between expectations and less-than-perfect reality. "I didn't get to have as much of a childhood as I would have wanted," Jessicka says by way of explanation. "I think that reflects in our music. Wanting to be a good kid, but not being able to accomplish it. You have the little girl wearing the pink dress but spilling mud all over it by the time the song is over. My vocals start off innocent and then I trip myself up to go into a rage. It's not always an angry rage. Sometimes the rage is just frustration."

Orlando Weekly, 1997

"I think there was a point in time where I wasn't allowed to be a child," says vocalist/lyrical diva Jessicka. "And that's why I can play it out more now. Terror always builds better girls… the better girls have been through it all," she says.

Jessicka interviewed for Seconds in 1998.

Seconds: What sort of things do you like to do in bed?
Jessicka: I like to pretend that I am the little girl and my partner -- he or she - is the molester. You can draw conclusions -

what do you fantasize about when you masturbate? The little girl thing?
Jessicka: Yeah.

Seconds: You weren't molested as a little girl, were you?
Jessicka: Yeah, but I'd rather not go there. Is that okay?

Seconds: That's fine.
Jessicka: I'm not ashamed in any way.

Regarding the last quote, there's the song French Kiss The Elderly with the following lyrics:


I'm not so pretty now

They're filthy next to me

I'm staring at myself

In family therapy

I'm dying day by day

But no one cries for me

They'd rather slit their wrists

Than french kiss the elderly!

On the day we broke you made the

On the day that we die

On the day we broke you made the whole world

Stop it, you're hurting me

Stop it, you're hurting me

Stop it, you're hurting me

Stop it!

This doesn't sound like it's about a boyfriend, but about something that happened before the forming of Jack Off Jill.


So what comes through here is that there definitely was something traumatizing in her youth before Jeordie came along and that was an inspiration to these lyrics, lyrics to songs that existed before the alleged abuse. These lyrics aren't proof that Jeordie did anything. 

The idea that these songs are about childhood trauma is also supported by the fact that it seemed that part of the idea behind Jessicka's dress look was to combine the innocence of a child with evil.


Seconds, 1998:

Seconds: A lot of your images deal with the blending of innocence and decadence, purity and filth.
Jessicka: That the way I live my life. I act and think like a child but I have the heart of a demon in which lust and decadence swell and dance around. I open up a book and see it with a child's eyes but with the devil's mind.

In her 2000s website bio her 90's look is described like this:

grade school ghoulie, dead girl, kinder goth


This goes along with the Kinderwhore style in general, but in Jack Off Jill, childhood was a theme that was there in the looks and aesthetics. There were dolls and toys in band promos and for example the My Cat - music video. 


There is a song on Jack Off Jill's last album that could be about Jeordie though. This album, Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers, came out in July 2000 and it includes the songs Nazi Halo and Author Unknown. The latter, admitted by Jessicka, is about the things Marilyn Manson wrote about her in his biography Long Hard Road Out Of Hell. 


The link in the tweet: Author Unknown on Youtube.


But the song Nazi Halo, considering that this is after their relationship and there's another song on the album about Marilyn Manson, it's very likely this is about Jeordie. But let's look at the lyrics, the following parts are interesting. 

Can't keep my mouth shut
If you keep that dress on
You can't negotiate
Not with me this time

You go so low
Your faggot rainbow
Your Nazi Halo
Won't save you this time

You go so low
Your tragic disco
Your Nazi Halo
Won't save you this time

You go so low
Your faggot rainbow
Your junkie ego
Won't save you this time

Dress mentioned, Jessicka had already at this point mentioned in interviews that she believes Jeordie copied her style. More on that claim here.


Nazi Halo could mean just the fame brought by being in Marilyn Manson, who has had nazi uniform sort of aesthetics in his stage show and outfits. Antichrist Superstar era outfits and stage props and the album theme in general combined this with religious imagery. Antichrist Superstar is also the first album where Jeordie was a songwriter in the band. Marilyn Manson being the "halo", as in the thing that brought Jeordie into the famous position he was in, implying that without the position in Marilyn Manson, Jeordie is no better than Jessicka.


Then there's "Your junkie ego" which could refer to the fact that Jeordie was known for using drugs in the 90's and it came through especially in the album Mechanical Animals, 1998. Maybe she implies that the drug use and the position in Marilyn Manson really got to his head. Jeordie has admitted to it;

Des Moines Register, 2006:

"You just forget about taking care of yourself and just being a good person and being nice to people around you. One's ego can get so inflated and get so crazy and full of this power that you think that you have, you just do stupid things. At the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I don't have any regrets, really. But I wouldn't act the way I acted then, now. Never in a million years. I see people in other bands — this makes me feel old, kind of — I see people in other bands coming up, looking and behaving only a tiny, tiny percentage of the way I did. I was way more ridiculous. Much, much bigger of an (bleep). These guys are idiots. I think I can say that 'cause I was worse."


Tragic disco could refer to the disco influences on the at the time newest Marilyn Manson album, Mechanical Animals. The disco influences were evident in the metallic silver and gold outfits and platform boots that Jeordie wore at the time.

But what does she mean with faggot rainbow? Could it have something to do with Marilyn and Twiggy's close friendship and the way they would encourage the rumours that they're a gay couple by kissing on stage etc.? Or is it a jab towards the fact that Jeordie was, at the time, a guy wearing a dress and a lot of makeup, and Jessicka was bitter that he was so much more successful. (JOJ member Michelle Inhell said in an interview in 2015 that this was the case, that there was bitterness towards Jeordie for him having more money to buy outfits)

Rainbow, could refer to the dresses Jessicka claims Jeordie stole, as he wore a series of different coloured dresses, pink, red, blue and green.


Part of the reason Jeordie got far more attention than Jessicka was also the fact that he was a man wearing a dress, and because of his androgynous look and the friendship with Manson, there were rumours that he was gay, intersex or trans, which, at the time was a lot more taboo than now, so it made him more interesting to the public. Jessicka herself is and already was then openly bisexual, maybe Jeordie being in the spotlight seemingly joking about being gay felt annoying. It could be that Jessicka would have wished for more recognition for being openly bi but it was Jeordie who got both the sexuality discussion and the dress look under his name in the public eye, he got to shock people by kissing Manson in a music video and he got to pose naked in a gay magazine, (haha not behind the link though, you have to look for those pics yourself, it's just a news article about said appearance, as you know, a source) and maybe that's what this song is about;


Jeordie doing the things Jessicka wants recognition for, she thinks all he is is fake and she herself is the real thing and the only reason Jeordie is famous is Manson and the only reason he feels good about himself is just his ego and the drugs.


You're so predictable no shadow of doubt

When you are suffering know who sold you out

Fuck your opinions

Fuck your lack of spine

When you are miserable

Know that I'm just fine

 It doesn't really look like a revenge song about an abusive relationship. Jack Off Jill songs have been more aggressive than this, there is no mention of rape or violence in this song at all. Rather, this song sounds more like a song about an ex that Jessicka thinks has let the fame go to his head.

He's famous simply for being in Marilyn Manson and it can be taken away from him at any point and Jessicka believes that she'll be doing fine when he's not because she thinks she has more personality and original ideas that will drive her forward.


But these feelings towards Jeordie could be rooted simply in envy.


You see, Jack Off Jill was formed in late 1992, and the beginning of the band was helped by Marilyn Manson. Jack Off Jill's first shows were opening for Marilyn Manson, the band's name was originally going to be Jack In Jill, but Manson suggested the word change to Jack Off Jill. Manson also helped produce their first demos and took them onto their first tour in 1994. 

At the time of forming Jack Off Jill and playing their first shows, Jeordie was not a member of Marilyn Manson yet, he would join the band in December 1993. 

So if we look at what was going on: Jack Off Jill is greatly helped by the association to Marilyn Manson and Jessicka is friends with Manson. Jeordie joins Marilyn Manson on a short notice, Portrait Of An American Family is released and it takes Jeordie on a big tour with Marilyn Manson, opening for Nine Inch Nails. Jeordie has the short relationship with Courtney Love on this tour, (Jessicka claims he cheated but the timeline of their relationship is very unclear, either way, it would be no wonder to feel like she's left behind. "Fuck your lack of spine" in the song could refer to a breakup that happened in a "cowardly way") Marilyn Manson gets really big while Jack Off Jill stays a fairly underground band that is compared to Marilyn Manson and seemingly overshadowed by it, with opinions such as "Jack Off Jill is basically the girl version of Marilyn Manson". Jeordie is seen on TV wearing black dreadlocks and a vintage dress, a look that Jessicka wore and that Jessicka claims was simply copied from her.

So from this we could probably understand that they had a relationship, the breakup wasn't pretty and Jeordie joining Marilyn Manson and dressing in the Kinderwhore look kind of turned Jessicka's association to Marilyn Manson against her. The attention Manson was bringing her turned to comparisons to him and Jeordie, because people simply had seen Jeordie first in the press.

 Whether or not this was his intention depends on the point of view you look at this, but the whole "He stole my dress" issue in itself could be rooted in how this basically looks like Jeordie snatched her dream right from her hands and became far more successful. But by the looks of it, luck was on his side and he was at the right place at the right time, but Jessicka's own emotions could affect the way she sees this, making her believe that Jeordie intended to mock her and copy her. It just is how she sees it.

IF this song is about him. But if there is a Jack Off Jill song about Jeordie, this is probably the best guess.

So that was a long ass ramble, but kind of important, because Jack Off Jill lyrics have been brought up in the discussion simply because there's the word "rape" and "steal dress" in some of them. But if we analyze them deeper, for example this in the context of what had happened at the time the song came out, it could be a look into what kind of emotions were felt during the making of Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers.

So no, Jack Off Jill's lyrics are not all revenge songs about Jeordie, there is much more to it. 

What they could rather prove is that maybe Jessicka was abused by someone and that someone wasn't Jeordie White. We didn't go through all the lyrics, but if these songs aren't provably about him, then the rest of the songs really cannot be proven to be about him either, because the theme existed in the songs already. Song lyrics in general anyway... What a shitty argument.

And then there is the question: Had these songs been written about Jeordie, had this all happened, where are the rest of the band? One might think that the rest of the members of a band with such a feminist message would have loudly come forward with their witness statements, backing Jessicka up. But there has been no such thing.

In 2015, when Jessicka hinted about Jeordie being an abuser and stealing her style, Michelle Inhell gave an interview at around the same time, completely contradicting what Jessicka had said.


Michelle said that she is friends with Jeordie since high school and that Jessicka and Twiggy's stage looks were developed together side by side, exchanging ideas, and Jeordie's success caused bitterness because he was able to buy more makeup and outfits while Jack Off Jill was still "dragging the same old shit around."  

This is an interesting detail for the reason that in her 2017 statement, Jessicka claimed that she planned on coming out with her abuse claims already in 1997, but was warned to stay silent by the record company that feared that a feud with Marilyn Manson would damage both the label and Jessicka's career. Planning a thing that would involve the reputation of the band, she likely would have told her band members about the alleged abuse at least by this time already, both for support and hearing their opinion on what to do. And considering how Jessicka's style of handling conflicts is always open and loud, it would be unlikely that she wouldn't have shared her frustration about being "silenced" with her bandmates. 

Somehow Michelle Inhell still is "friends since highschool" with Jeordie in 2015 and has no problem publicly stating that as Jessicka calls Jeordie an abuser in the media at the same time.

Another Jack Off Jill member, Helen Storer, was seen commenting support on Jeordie's girlfriend Michelle Siwy's posts on instagram where she defended him, and as of now, is still followed by Jeordie and Michelle on social media. 

This made Jessicka publicly call Helen a rape apologist, to which JOJ's Tenni A Cha Cha did not reply kindly. Read the Helen drama page.

IT doesn't really look like the band is agreeing on this issue or backing Jessicka up whatsoever. 

Lastly: Many people have expressed their distaste for the use of the word "faggot" in the song Nazi Halo. It is a homophobic slur, yes, but you have to understand that the times were different in the 1990's and if you're looking to "cancel" Jack Off Jill only for using this word, it isn't really fair, considering that many other bands used "problematic" language in their songs at the time, and also, in the album booklet of Smells Like Children, Jeordie was credited for "fag bass". It doesn't really seem like he found the word offensive himself. 

I'm against censorship and think that the intention behind the words mean more than the words themselves. But if Nazi Halo is about Jeordie, what is the intention behind the use of the word faggot? That is for the listener to think about. 

Jessicka hasn't taken the criticism for this song very well, though. Either than "faggot" isn't a slur or that people are bullying her for using the wrong word in a song 20 years ago. How about address it and explain what you meant with it, why it was in the song? For Manson fans to come after her for using the word is hypocritical, really. But at the same time it's hypocritical for her to go after Manson "for finding the n word funny" if she has "faggot" in her own song.  And not one, two songs.

This whole debate of people using "problematic" language is ridiculous in my opinion. While I'm kind of sure Nazi Halo is about Jeordie (make your own conclusions) and it has the word "faggot" in it, it's a good song, pretty good guitar riffs going on in there.

We can go really deep into the social justice and condemn Jack Off Jill for writing a song that "mocks a gender nonconforming person" but, just, as a trans person I find it more offensive when people get offended on my behalf, so let's not jump to a stupid twitter rage. If she wrote that song about him, it was 20 years ago, sure he's gotten over it by now.  (I'd just like to note that I kind of hate it when some people seem to think Jeordie is a really easy to offend person based on how quiet he appeared to be in 90's interviews, nah I don't think a guy like that would've lasted a minute playing in 90's Marilyn Manson. At least to me he has always seemed to have a very "whatever I don't care" sort of an aura around him.)

This song by itself isn't a huge "crime". But then again in the context, if she was actually abusive towards him, the message in the song, in hindsight to what has happened now, could be seen as more a "You left me and I will get back at you" and the word "faggot" isn't even the main point.